Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Pain and the Joy

Being a step-mom IS NOT EASY. Obvious, right? Well, I tend to think things will be easier than they are--a blessing and a curse.

When I met my husband, I was immediately smitten. I didn't really think about how complicated it can be marrying a man with children, I just knew I wanted to be with him always.

He was divorced--I got it.
He had two kids--no problem.

None of this bothered me. It all just felt right and his kids took to me quickly. I fell in love with them as easily as I fell in love with him. And after a ten month courtship, we were married.

Easy peezy.

But it hasn't been easy. There are times when I feel completely out of it, like I was drafted midseason. I doubt myself all of the time. And then there is the guilt and the pain I share with them. These kids have been through more than my husband and I ever went through when we were their age. When they hurt, I hurt. Funny how that works. For twenty-eight years I only had to worry about my own pain. Then I married my husband and his kids and because of that, there is this invisible chord that somehow binds my heart to theirs. When they hurt, I hurt.

And then there is the joy that makes it all worth it. The joy that melts me. The joy that makes me forget the doubt. The joy that infuses my love for them so deep within my heart, it takes my breath away. This joy has a way of sneaking up on me too. Sometimes I'll be driving with the kids, a song will come on that we all love, we're all singing and laughing, and BAM, the warmth of love and joy permiates through me from my heart to my toes. It's like that for me, real quick and random, but very powerful.

Last night was powerful too. Our daughter delivered our bedtime prayer. Her prayers are always my favorite because they're innocent, full of details, not scripted, and very insightful. In her prayer she blessed her father and me that we would have fun and continue to love each other, she blessed her brother, that he would have fun too. She blessed our plants, that they would grow. And then she blessed Rosy, a friend of ours who is recieving cancer treatment right now. She always blesses Rosy.

So yes there is pain, more than I thought there would be. But there is also joy--oodles and oodles of joy.

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